So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
