Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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