Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
