Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
