i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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