apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
