that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
