R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
