Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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