he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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