Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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