i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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