so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
