i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
