i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
