bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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