She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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