I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
