dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
