we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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