i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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