I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
