He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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