Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
