Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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