these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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