highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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