If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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