i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
