It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
