Too much gin, very little bucket
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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