Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
