It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
