i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She announced her abortion via fbk
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
