you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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