I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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