rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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