that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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