break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
