Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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