just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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