just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
