i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
