I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
