and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
