Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
