I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
