That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
please come you make the beer taste better
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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