the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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