and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
