the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
