How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
