you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
