I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
